end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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