Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
