he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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