It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
