i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
