I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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