I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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