Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
