If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
