I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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