Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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