i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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