Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
