I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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