i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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