She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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