I think im going to throw up on grandma
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
