Someone shit on the floor
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
