OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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