the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I touched a dick in church today
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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