i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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