Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just high enough for therapy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
