It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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