dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
