After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
