Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
