is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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