Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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