I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
