There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
