i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
