she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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