Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
