I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
