i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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