She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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