I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
