Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
