don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
