Having a random hookup so left but love u
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Even my vagina gasped.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
