i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
