he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
