go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Randomize
