these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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