You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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