It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
