I puked a lego.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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