I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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