If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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