How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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