That's when you crack a 10am beer
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
