Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize