this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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