walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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