Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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