I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
