I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My ATM looks so different sober.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
