you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
