The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
