it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize