Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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