stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
