god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize