i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
