all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
