Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
