Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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