Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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