I want to walk on stilts...naked
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
