there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
