Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize