you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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