i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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