We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
why didn't you poke me back
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
