we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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