ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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