Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
