my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
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This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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