my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
