dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
