Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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