You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
