Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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