i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
