She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
