guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
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I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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