I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.