I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok