Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
