Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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