I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"