at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
two words...techno handjob
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
